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Liam Neeson's Stand Up Comedy
In the pilot of Life's Too Short, Liam Neeson meets Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant to try out some stand up comedy. Video Transcript Liam: I'm here because I'm thinking of uh...I'm thinking of doing some comedy. Ricky: Oh, like a comedy movie? Liam: No, on stage. Stand up comedy. Life comedy of some kind. Ricky: Wow. Liam: I'm a funny guy, aren't I? I'm funny, right? Ricky (nervous): Yeah, definitely. Liam (pulls out list): Here's some of the stuff I'd like to work on: improv, standup comedy, funny monologues, crazy characters, sketches, slapstick, anecdotes, parody. Yeah? Ricky: Yep. Liam: You noticed this list, huh? I'm always making lists. In fact, that's probably why Stephen Spielberg cast me as Oskar Schindler in Schindler's List. I said, 'Stephen, I make lists all the time'. And he said, 'That's exactly what I'm looking for.' Ricky: *laughs* Liam: What? What's funny? Ricky: Sorry, I thought you were joking about getting the part as Oskar Schindler because you made lists. Liam: No. As an actor, you need stuff to draw on. And I drew on that. Ricky: Okay. Wow. Liam: Okay, let's do some improvisational comedy. Ricky: I can't now, Liam. Liam: Let's do some improvisational comedy. Now. Ricky: Okay. Liam (to Stephen): Give us a scenario. Stephen: Okay. You're a hypochondriac, and Ricky's a doctor. Liam: Excellent. Knock knock. Ricky: Come in. Liam: Hello. Ricky: Oh no, not you again. Liam: I've never been here before. Ricky: Sorry, I thought because you're a hypochondriac, you would have been to the doctor's before. Liam: Don't presume, that's a backstory we didn't agree on beforehand. Ricky: No, I know... That's improv, though, isn't it? You just sort of go with the flow. Liam: I don't take notes. Can we do it again because you've ruined that? Ricky: Yeah, sorry. Liam: Knock knock. Ricky: Come in. Hi, how's it going? What seems to be the problem? Liam: I've contracted AIDS. Ricky: How'd you get that? Liam: From an African prostitute. I'm riddled with it. The prostitute is from an African country that's ravaged by starvation, so selling her body was the only financial recourse she had left. Stephen: Do you mind if I interject for a second? Sorry, I just think it's getting quite heavy, this sketch, and I just wonder if, perhaps, just for the sake of comedy, you might not want to have contracted AIDS from an African prostitute. Liam: Okay. Ricky: All right. Liam: Knock knock. Ricky: Come in, what seems to be the problem? Liam: As I said before, I've got full blown AIDS. Ricky: Right. Liam: Want to know how I got it? Ricky: Sure. Liam: From a well-known homosexual actor. Ricky: Wow. Okay. Liam: It was _____. Stephen: I wouldn't say the name, just because of the.... (points at cameras) Liam: I got it from an unspecific actor. Ricky: Does he know he has AIDS? Liam: Who, ____? Stephen: Again, sorry, I just wouldn't name them. And also, I just think, AIDS is, as I said before, just a really heavy subject for comedy. Liam: Ah, okay. I could have bowel cancer. Stephen: Yeah...cancer, though, and AIDS and famine...are just not really subjects for comedy. Liam: How does he get away with it then? (referring to Ricky) Stephen: We don't know. Liam: Well, we shouldn't have a doctor in the sketch if I can't talk about AIDS. (to Warwick) Any suggestions? Warwick: Oh, um...you're a green grocer, and Ricky comes in to complain. Liam: I've played Rob Roy McGregor, Michael Collins, Oskar Schindler, Zeus for God's sake...no-one is going to believe me as a green grocer. Warwick: We could change your accent, lots of actors do that. Liam: Well he doesn't, how does he get away with it? (referring to Ricky) Stephen: Again, we don't know. Ricky: Let's just do our own accents and get this done, shall we? Okay, green grocer *pretends to open door* Tring! Liam: We're closed. Ricky: I think the shop has to be open for us to do the sketch. Liam: Okay. Ricky: Tring. Liam: Yes. Ricky: I'd like to make a complaint. I bought some fruit here yesterday and when I got home some of it was rotten. LIam: That's not my fault. Ricky: Well, you know, it's your shop and it was sold on your premises, so... Liam: Uh uh. I wasn't here. Ricky: Doesn't matter... Liam: I was at the doctor's. I've got AIDS. Ricky: Thought you might have. Yeah, that's it. That's really good. You're gonna storm it, boy. Okay, brilliant, good luck with that. Don't forget your little list. Category:Funny Moments